Alice and Tim Piotrowicz - Okinawa Honeymoon Trip 2016

Welcome to my blog everyone. I don't write much, but when something really cool happens then I usually try to share it here. This post is going to be a bit long as its about my honeymoon with my lovely wife Alice and we took lots of nice photos to show you all. She and I had a wonderful wedding day on September 24th and if you weren't there then I pity you because it was great!
If you did make it to our wedding ceremony and/or banquet, then we thank you for joining us in celebrating our marriage commitment before God. I felt truly blessed by the singing and how smoothly everything moved along so if you helped us out in some big or small way, thank you for loving us by giving your time and support. I know my family and Alice's family really enjoyed the whole wedding and although it was super busy and time just seemed to fly by, I won't be forgetting that special day anytime soon. We are excited to see our professionally-done wedding photos and I know you want to see them too so we will try to make a gallery available online within a month or so.
Now that I got that bit out of the way, I want to share with you all about the nice time we had on our honeymoon.





Though it is traditionally acceptable for the newlyweds to hop off to their honeymoon immediately following their marriage, since my parents were sticking around for a few more days we decided to delay our trip for a little while longer. I am glad we did, because Alice got to know my parents a little better and we had a genuinely nice time seeing some sites with them.
(Though apparently I didn't take many photos of those couple of days, sorry. But here is one where we were having a nice lunch with Alice and her parents.)


As soon as October 2nd rolled around, we were getting pretty excited with packing and getting ready for a 7-day honeymoon trip to Okinawa! We were fairly certain that we paid for two pieces of luggage each, but when we got to the airport on Sunday evening, we discovered that was not the case, so after shipping back one of my empty luggage pieces and moving some other stuff around, we were all checked-in and ready to board the flight.



I don't really remember the short flight but when we arrived we also discovered that because we had chosen such a cheap ticket from a lesser-known airline, we had landed in some obscure location several miles away from the main airport complex.










So after a long and packed shuttle-bus ride, we were finally in the main area where we were lucky enough to get me a SIM card at the local 7-Eleven-style-convenient store known as LAWSON.
For some reason the store made me feel like watching an old western movie.





Looking for our first taxi, we wandered around for a bit, and finally Alice asked a random guard who directed us to the correct area to get a taxi. We babbled a bit with the driver about the address I had saved on my phone, we piled our luggage in the tiny trunk and off we went. After a short ride and some bumbling with the local currency we were at our first of three hotels, The Mercure. We checked-in smoothly enough and had a good nights rest in preparation for the beginning of our big adventure together.




 Second day of our trip

After a passable brunch at the hotel restaurant we took our second taxi to the city in order to pick up the rental car we had reserved. Now originally, when Alice brought up the idea of having me drive in Japan, I thought that was totally not something I wanted to do. I was understandably afraid to drive around in a totally different place that I've never been before and on the opposite side of the road! However, after some prayer and meditation, I decided to man-up and progress. I made the reservation online and when we finally found the little car rental shop it didn't take more than a few minutes and some paperwork till I and my co-pilot were ready to brave the roads of Okinawa together in our adorable Mazda Demio. Having reviewed the road signs before the trip I merely had to key-in the desired location's phone number or mapcode and the car did the rest!
But no, I'm joking, I did have to steer and break and stuff, however every car in Okinawa comes equipped with the GPS system which was a huge blessing and it really helped make the whole trip a huge success as far as getting where we needed to go.

Less than an hour after picking up our car, we found a nice little place to park it while we wandered around the international tourist street and did some quick shopping before the weather turned bad due to the approaching typhoon. We grabbed a quick lunch and as the rain began to fall more frequently we got ourselves back and setup the rental in the Mercure parking lot. After chilling out at the local Family Mart for a bit to see how the weather would play out, we decided to brave the rain and winds to do some more shopping and find dinner. While perusing the items in one of the few shops still opened on the evening before Typhoon Chaba hit Naha, Okinawa, we asked the elderly woman at the shop where we could get a good steak in the area. She quickly called up her fellow shop-owner friend who directed us to follow him down several different streets and ended up outside a tiny bar which was shuttered and closed. He disappeared inside and after some rousing of the restaurant owner we were welcomed in to sit and enjoy chatting while the kind host cooked us up some fine lemon-butter-steak with noodles and eggs! After we finished our meal and as the winds and torrential rain began to really get more get crazy, we zoomed back to the Mercure and back to our cozy little room to watch some TV.

Third day

After checking out of the Mercure hotel we made our way towards the northerly part of Okinawa. It wasn't too long of a drive, but by mid-morning we were feeling hungry so we looked up a good place to eat and found ourselves waiting for the doors to open in Duku village where we tried some sweet-potato noodles in the traditional Japanese sit-down restaurant. After eating our fill and making lots of polite slurping noises we got back in our Mazda and headed to a nearby local beach site known as Cape Manzamo.

I had to take a short nap in the car but before long we were hiking through some sea-side jungle and ended up having a romantic walk down through a large cave used in the past by local tribes for some seasonal festivities and out onto the sharp pointy rocks, where we stood amongst a zillion little snails, and took in the sights and smells of the ocean.

 Before too long we found ourselves driving towards the second hotel location and although that was a bit of a long drive, and although I couldn't figure out how to turn off the annoying radio because every-time I stopped the car at a light it would turn itself back on, I couldn't help but look at Alice in the passenger seat and smile and she would smile back at me, we were happy to be traveling together.

The Kise Beach hotel was our second location to stay for a couple nights and since we arrived to check-in at about mid-afternoon, we walked the beach and took some romantic photos.

 

 Apparently they had a place for a wedding ceremony built onto the beach.

Alice and I wearing flip-flops on the seashore.

 Alice inside the Kise Beach Hotel Lobby looking at the remnant clouds of the typhoon.

We found some other newlyweds, but they weren't very talkative :\

God has made some truly adorable creatures.















After settling into our new hotel room, we decided to have our dinner at the hotel Okinawa Izakaya restaurant where I tried my first glass of Orion beer and Alice and I shared a few savory dishes including one which I liked very much, bitter-melon mixed with spam and eggs. Yum!
We also tried our first sea-grapes write off the vine!

Fourth day
After I ate like a bird and Alice ate what she could to make it worth our money that we spent at the Kise Beach buffet breakfast, we both hopped in the car and headed north-west towards the famous Okinawa Aquarium! We spent a few hours gawking and gazing at sea-creatures of all kinds.

After the aquarium we drove a while and made our way onto KouRi Island where we took a nice tour of the beach-tower ocean-view observatory.

While the sun went down, Alice and I drove in a southern-ly direction back towards our hotel and stopped in a mountain town to do some grocery shopping and then get dinner at a ManMi restaurant where Alice had some nice BBQ that was so good I forgot what thing I ordered.

Fifth day
After checking out of the Kise Beach hotel and not knowing what we were gonna be missing as far as accommodations go, we struck-out to travel again now more south towards the middle of Okinawa where we found a nice A&W restaurant to fill our bellies with good foods and good soda.

The weather was gorgeous and the sun was shining powerful and bright as we made our way toward the Busena Ocean Park where we enjoyed seeing so many exotic fish in the underwater observatory and glass-bottom boat ride!

After a little walking and a lot of sun we drove to eat lunch at a Hama Sushi restaurant where we enjoyed sharing several different dishes with each other.








Drive, drive, drive... and we made it to Sunset beach where we were unable to see a beautiful sunset but Alice was beautiful and we took some photos anyway.

As the sun went down past the horizon we found ourselves wandering around the beach area and we discovered the converted army-base American village full of shops and restaurants and shiny lights.

For dinner we had a lovely talk over a couple of burgers at JB's.

We made our way back to our third and final lodging, the Spice Motel, which we had checked into earlier in the afternoon (I do not recommend this place) and we there dreamt of our plans to return to the beach the next day for swimming!


Sixth day
Swimming was so great. Unfortunately my phone is not waterproof so I have zero photos of that part of our sixth day, but the memory will forever be in my mind. It was a real joy just walking around in the ocean, neck-deep in water, with Alice in-tow on the figure-eight floaty we rented. We talked, we laughed, I burned my irises with salt water, we got our skin blasted from the scorching sun, and it was really such a good time. I think this was the most happy part of my trip.
I can't say that the rest of the trip was unhappy, but it definitely got stressful a bit stressful later on, though things turned out alright in the end.

After the beach and buying some gifts in the American village we went looking for lunch but traveled to the totally wrong place and had to drive all the way back the way we came which wasted about an hour. Instead of finding our original destination we parked at a Nakayukui rest-stop to grab lunch which wasn't too bad actually. 
After that we finally found our way and made it to a bigger sort of town where walked to find a little hide-away tea restaurant where the owner taught us how to make special bubbly foam tea with sugar and peanut sprinkles! It tasted pretty good ^_^

As the sun was setting on our sixth and final full day, we headed to the Ashibinaa outlet mall to visit Muji and a grocery store where I got to eat the famous Okinawa taco rice which tasted like a taco without the crunch. 

Along the way we visited a store known as Manga Souko where I bought a couple of gifts and we snapped this photo of an escaped reptile exhibit. 

I saw a commercial of auJAPAN starring three men from Japanese folklore who were really funny and I felt inclined to get a picture in honor of that.

Here is me taking a photo inside auJAPAN with a poster of those three folklore dudes.

Seventh day

On the morning of our final day in Okinawa, Alice and I took a few last-minute couples photos, politely checked out of the Spice Motel and made our way south back towards the airport in Naha so we could be ready for our flight which was at 6 pm. 

Fearing that we wouldn't get another chance soon too do so, we ate at A&W again, though this visit was less enjoyable than the last due to our sun-burned backs giving us a lot of pain and I was starting to get sick of driving all over the place. Alice kindly smiled at me in the car and thanked me for being so willing to drive us around for the honeymoon trip. After some prayer and meditation I was pretty okay and we drove onward. 

The morning was young so we went back to the alley shops that had been closed on our first trip during the typhoon and found it a hustling and bustling with open doors and tourists so we took an hour or so to make some last-minute gift purchases and then we headed off to lunch.

For lunch Alice wanted to stand for 2 hours in the blazing sun for a famous noodle shop. The place was run by only two cooks and no one else but we finally made it in after a while and the noodles were pretty good, though I wouldn't do it again.

After the lunch we decided it was about time to head back towards the airport to drop-off the rental car and say goodbye to Okinawa, however we got stuck in traffic which got redirected on every block for some unknown reason.
There were highwaymen with uniforms making everyone go around a different way and we kept trying to get to the drop-off location where our car belonged, but there was just no way into that area.

It took me a great deal of self-control, patience and all the driving skills I had acquired up to that point to get as close to the rental company as possible, but as we pulled alongside yet another roadblock, the clock was ticking past 2:30 and I decided to be assertive.
I rolled down the window and demanded entrance to the blocked off part of town, because I had to get my car back to the rental company so we could catch our flight. After some rough and very uncertain chatting with the guard, he pulled the barrier aside for us as he tried to call a translator over. A female guard showed up with good English and we were able to make our case more clear. She had us pull into a parking lot where we were prepared to leave the car for the company to pick up themselves due to the fact that access to their shop was blocked off for the day. We discovered that the local community was holding their annual tug-of-war competition and there was a large gathering of festively dressed people congregated near the corner which we needed to turn past to get rid of our car. After several frustrating minutes they wandered on away from that area and Alice and I were able to get the car through and up into the rental-company parking lot where we dropped off the keys and made a quick luggage-burdened exit towards the traffic again where we could get a taxi to the airport.
After some hard walking and burn-pained back aches, we made it to the street where a taxi picked us up and we were able to convey a sense of urgency. I was nervous we would miss our flight, but after some thinking I decided that wasn't the worst thing in the world, and we could probably just get another flight anyway. Well we did our best and with God's help we made it to the airport and, after another packed shuttle-bus ride, into the check-in line. We had a few issues with our luggage, since it was overflowing with several fragile gifts, and we ended up having to pay extra to check some baggage, but in the end it was not so bad and soon we were waiting for our delayed flight to come take us home.

We landed back in Taiwan, got our luggage and found ourselves finally getting back home where we rested up from our awesome adventure.

All-in-all it was a wonderful trip and God really took care of us. Alice is great to travel with and I hope she and I can travel more soon. It was a great way to begin our marriage and we feel so blessed to be together as husband and wife.

Stories of My Life Game - Chinese New Year 2016

Happy Chinese New Year!

Game Time!

To start this new year of more writing off rightly... I have two stories to tell of life events that happened to me recently.

Both stories are true, but one of the stories has some false details.

It will be your chance, if you care, to determine which story has false details. Okay? Let’s start!

[Note: If you few who already know, spoil the secret then be warned, that’s not nice -_-]

Story #1 - The Cigarette

[A little long, sorry.]

Here is what happened last night (02/02/2016).

I went to a cafe which is owned by my good friend and his father. After a while I felt the urge to use the facilities so I headed there and tried to have a go at the urinal but the bathroom was clouded in smoke and there were two kids (probably 17-21 years old) smoking up the place.

Now my mistake was to treat them like I treat a friend of mine who smokes, whom I have known for a long time.

At first I tried to politely ask him to stop smoking but my Chinese failed or he just didn’t care what I had to say. He just grinned stupidly and kept puffing.

I really had to go but the smoke was too thick in that tiny bathroom for me to breathe comfortably so I did something without thinking.

I foolishly snatched the cigarette from his mouth (as I have done to my good friend multiple times) and threw it in the sink. Now, to this guy’s merit he didn’t blow up at me or punch me in the face right away, but instead he was surprised and confused. He turned to his gutsy buddy for translation but that guy only knew a few words in English and mostly just shouted at me in Chinese.

I knew what I did was wrong so I said sorry and that I just wanted to f***ing go to the bathroom. He latched on to that word and started saying it a hundred times in my face, He pushed me against the wall and his friend started taking off his jacket (like he was afraid it would get dirty from a fight?).

I didn’t want to get in a brawl in that small space so I headed out the door motioning for them to follow as I said, "Come on then let's go get some translation and see who is right here." Which to them translated as, “let's go outside to argue about this.”

Well I went and got my friend and quickly told him what I did and he was like, "Aw… man, you shouldn't do that. Those kids are "gangsters".

So I was there next to my friend near the front of the shop and the gutsy kid was all in my face threatening me and talking dirty about my family in all of three English words. I realized I had started something I wasn't willing to finish because actually I have been really trying to become a different kind of person – more patient and wise.

For this reason, I acted rather passive and told him to calm down but he was getting more and more brave at this point as my friends couldn’t take sides until the facts were clear to them.

So I knew I was in a losing battle and I just wanted it over, feeling kind of annoyed that this guy was still shouting in my face and making a big scene in front of everyone in the shop. I said sorry to the first guy, whose cigarette I had snatched, and he was like, "no man it's okay it's okay" and I think he knew his buddy was going too far. The gutsy guy didn’t like that I was ignoring his shouting so he came at me with a lot of force and got in my face and I kept telling him to calm down but he just got more mad and asked me where I am from.

I probably should have just said nothing but I proudly stated that I'm American so he shouted "America?!" And spit on the ground, like a punk in the movies. So then he started adding America to his dirty talk and then I got really sorry for bringing nationality into it so I just tried to sit down but he wasn't having it. He shouted "Such-and-Such a place…! You will DIE!"

He shoved me hard into the front desk and I knocked some things over though I was still standing.

At this point I was considering if it was worth it to take him outside and try to knock some sense into him but my friend's dad got him to go away, where later I was told he formally apologized for the ruckus.

In the end I just sat there with my friend for about twenty minutes then went and left to bike home. I've replayed it over and over in my mind a lot and while I know it's basically my fault for foolishly grabbing the guy's cigarette I hear it is illegal to smoke inside stores. My friend tells me repeatedly not to mess with useless gangster kids that don't study but those are the kind of people that I care about the most so I feel really bad it turned out that way.

My friend’s father said they were regulars so maybe when I return from my Chinese New Year travels I'll take them a giftly-peace-offering and say sorry, then maybe at least if that works out I will be able to clear my nationality from being a negative in their minds.

All-in-all there is a positive result from this event because I learned a bit about my new self and that my priorities have changed. I think enjoying fights when I was younger was wrong all along, I just had not often cared about anyone but myself until lately.

Story #2 - The Teapot

[A lot shorter]

Today (02/05/2016) as I waited for the events of the evening, I passed the time in a small café full of cats.

It was a nice environment and the animals didn’t seem too interested in the customers so I just enjoyed a cup of tea and a good story, occasionally looking up to watch the bustle of newcomers and workers alike.

One of the workers whose work seemed more interesting than the rest was a young man who was clearly at work for the owners of the café, not as a waiter or cleaner, but more of a businessman – I guess a consultant in particular from the way he was interacting with the café boss. Whatever he was doing, he was frequently going in and out of the front door, which I had set myself up to face in order to keep watch for “would-be assassins”.

After a chapter or more of my story, I finally looked up to see the boss of the shop hurry outside, look down the street both ways without luck of finding what she wanted, and hurrying back inside to finish an order. A few minutes later the consultant man returned, walking quickly, as he approached the shop holding a small, transparent, glass teapot in his hands.

The front door was the type that could open in and out, touching the frame only by its hinges by which it swung freely. At the very moment he was entering the shop, one of the café cats was sniffing around the hinges and got her head smacked hard by the door as it swung inwards.

The cat screeched loudly, to the surprise and confusion of everyone else in the room who had not been observing, and ran crazily outside.

This greatly surprised the consultant man and he instinctively threw his arms out to steady the door, shattering the transparent glass teapot against the door frame which sent a spray of glass against the wall, onto the floor, and into a nearby customer’s drink and half-eaten walnut banana muffin.

The café boss lady jumped at the sounds and hurried around the shoulder-high counter to see what had happened. At the scene of the explosion, the customer with glass in her food, the consultant man, and the boss just stood there silently staring, along with the dozen-or-so other customers, all looking at the mess together.

After a few moments the boss lady motioned for the waiter to bring a broom and dustpan to sweep up the glass while she attended to the customer with the broken bits in her food.

The man not knowing what else to do just disappeared, probably embarrassed, and returned later to post a sign on the outside of the front door, which I assume was his original job, though I still have no idea why he was rushing around with a fragile transparent teapot.

VOICE Missions: Two Words

VOICE Missions: Two Words: Almost five years ago, I first arrived in Taiwan in answer to God’s call in my heart to give my life in service to Him. At that time...

Mothballs

 Part 1.

Do you know what mothballs are? 

I do and I hate their smell. 

I wanted to leave. I wanted to get up out of the seat I had paid for and leave to stand in another car entirely.

This woman that sat next to me on the train had just taken a bath in mothballs.

She had eaten mothballs for dinner, then she had put on a winter jacket that have been roasting in mothball hell for 35 years. This is the stench of mothballs that makes your grandma's closet seem like a walk through a rose garden. There is no need for this level of mothball stench to exist on earth, let alone permeating every inch of the nostril cells of each person that was on that poor train. 

I wanted to say things that I would be ashamed to say to a convicted homicidal maniac, but I am a Christian and this seemed like a good opportunity for me to show Christ's love. So when she arrived on the train I helped her with her suitcase containing her granite-rock-collection and when she fell asleep next to me I allowed her and her odorous coat to spill over the armrest onto my seat with the zipper rubbing back-and-forth against my arm like the unkempt claws of some wretched roadkill. 

Yes. This was an opportunity to be loving and kind and I was going to be sure to act in a way befitting my station as a teacher and a neighbor. 

Part 2.

In order to be a blessing to her I thought that I should probably not even mention the terrible smell, but that I should at least speak something kind to her and then turn towards the window of the train in hopes of catching some relief from the trees and fields and fresh air that passed by less than an inch away from my coughing-sore throat, but for the pane of glass that was never designed to be opened. 

When she finally woke from her nap, she put herself to work drawing on some round pieces of cardboard. I was very interested to see what she was doing so I kept stealing glances. Eventually the sour smell that had seemed so powerful was fading into the back of my mind as I noticed this woman crafting design after design onto her bits of canvas. Every now and then she would get stumped and lean back to close her eyes and gather her inspiration for what she would produce on the next card. 

This greatly intrigued me and after several minutes of observing I ventured to ask her, "Excuse me ma'am, where do you get your inspiration?"

At first, because of her moderately-low English level and my shy voice, she did not understand, but took some time to view my Chinese/English dictionary which I used to translate the word 'inspiration'. She immediately understood and we struck up a conversation with each other.

"I get my inspiration from everything that happens to me. I am designing some cards to encourage my friends with an artistic gift."
I told her that she inspired me and she seemed blessed, but we continued to talk further. 

I told her about how and why I came to work in her country and she told me that she is a founder of a non-profit organization to help students to learn to express themselves and to overcome hardships through the art of theater and choir. I explained that the company I worked for has a similar goal of encouraging students in personal growth towards a more wholesome and healthy life.
We were both genuinely pleased to meet and know about each other. She with a simple and yet profound middle-aged woman's face and I, with what she described by use of the dictionary, as having a "positive countenance".
She explained that she was a part of the traditional religion of the country and was working to better the world. I mirrored her goals for life with my own, of service to God as a Christian. She noted our difference in religious choices but also noted our similarity in passions for a better life for the struggling youth and we ended the conversation on a note of mutual blessing, having been encouraged by each other. In closing I mentioned that I am a writer of poetry in my spare time and she gasped aloud saying, "We must have an exchange of gifts between fellow artists!"

And so, for the next fifteen minutes, in a rush for we were nearly at our destination, we both set to work, crafting for the other a bit of our art to remember each other by; she with her pens and spherical cards, and I with my poetry on a borrowed circlet.
The train was hastily carrying on towards the stop and neither my writing or my rhyming was good enough to express what I felt inside, but we both tried our best and in the end we exchanged the gifts as the Taiwanese do, with both hands and a small nod of respect towards the other. 

In the end I was able to help her with her rock-collection luggage once again and we both got off that train. At the bottom of the stairs leading to the exit of the station we shook hands and said our goodbyes, and I was able to put in a quick, "God bless you," before we each went our separate ways.

So you see, at the beginning I was on the verge of going to leave my seat to escape the smell, but I found that a little self-control and a little courage to speak up cultivated a warm neighborly atmosphere in which two strangers were able to bless each other and share. 

Truly God has blessed me here in Taiwan. 

Wtf God

Wtf God...

Here's a question. If God is so good and so real, then why doesn't he come talk to me face-to-face? If God loves me so much than why doesn't he feel I am worth the time of day? Do I have to kill myself to see God? (No I'm not suicidal this is just conjecture) Isn't that the only logical way to actually SEE him? At the throne of judgement. That's what I was taught. That's seemingly what the Bible shows me. Yes I believe in Christ and the Holy Spirit. Yea it's all well and good, but I'm not the idiot Adam that couldn't keep his stupid self from breaking the law. Why do I have to be separated from God for his retarded mistakes? Where is the justice in that? Yes I know this is more than just one theological issue, but these questions are seriously weighing on my mind and there is no where else for me to rant about it. I am at possibly the hardest point of my existence until now and I find myself facing it...you guessed it...alone, because God doesn't show up to me physically as a normal human would. Thanks God. Thanks. This hurts so much. No wonder people kill themselves all the time. 

...

Going to go search the scriptures now. Since that's the only way God has chosen to talk to us. Christianity is so crazy. 

Self-Motivation

I know a lot about a couple things and next-to-nothing about most everything else.

I know what you mean about being bitten and shy. Once you get burned a little you are more wary of fire and it annoys you when people wave it around light-heartedly. Its nature, and wounds need time to heal, but we are mighty and we can overcome.

Don’t fear those men in their suits on their high-horses making claims on ancient texts that they could never hope to understand. 

Yours is not to fear them or fight them or even to forget them, yours is to get up and move. Move forward to blaze a path that no fanatic could have ever dreamed was possible. This won’t prove them wrong and this won’t prove you right. This will bring light to the darkness that surrounds the lives of those poor souls who have never felt the love of a friend. Don’t close your heart to the world just because some religious highbrows scorched you with their misguided plans. Find an infinite source to renew your strength and push on. Find that infinite source to renew your love and be the hands and feet of the body of love that this world needs.

Sometimes we hurt so much…

We just want to sit down against our broken walls and give up…

But after we’ve cried a bit and hit on the ground for a while we remember where we’ve came from, what we’ve been through, and where we are going.

There is no need to curl up and give up. Plenty of people are doing that already, curling up around their entertainments and self-medications. There is no need for more couch-potatoes or fantastically confused followers. There is no need for more men and women with hate in their hearts.

There is a need for you, to love, to give, and to help up those who have fallen down, for then we can rise together and become strong.

You are needed, and we are empowered. Don’t let anything but God stand before us.

Will you join me, Tim Piotrowicz...

Negative Associations Project - Post #1

Here I have written out a description of a bad memory from my past so that I can figure out all the negative associations it has for my current life in a forum where others can see this and offer hopefully helpful information. If anyone has suggestions as to how I can begin to heal these wounds, please don’t hesitate to tell me your suggestions.

The first full Disney movie I ever saw was at a family friend's house because my hyper-conservative parents would never have allowed it. The family that let me watch it with their son had no idea he was abusing me every time I came to visit. They all laughed and laughed at the movie, but I just couldn't get into it. I couldn’t understand why they were all so excited about a movie about such a jerk as Gaston and talking furniture. At 8 years old I must have already been attempting to use numbness as a coping skill.

During the scene in Beauty and the Beast where the antagonist, Gaston, pulls out his knife and rams it into what looks like the Beast’s leg or back (or bum), is the moment when my abuser looked back at me, shrouded by the dimmed lights of “family movie night” with a wicked grin on his face and wild look of glee in his eyes as he laughingly whispered to me, “That’s what I’m gonna do to you later!”

I never have liked Disney movies much...or happiness...or happy family get-together movie nights. I am currently working towards the goal of having a family of my own soon and I want to be able to enjoy a good animated film with my kids someday.

Do I just hold back the taste of vomit and fear in my mouth and try to ignore the painful memories as I forge forward in hopes of a different association for my life with a family?

Do I tell my future wife about my past or will that just negatively affect her too?

Do I need to add even more counselors to the roster that have tried to help me?

Up next… The story that explains why I avoid music and dancing.

The truth is that I avoid too much happiness because somewhere deep down inside I am afraid for that moment when the joy of all those fools will be revealed as fake and the “bad things” hiding behind the party banners will come out to suffocate their existence like they have done to me for years.